Being serious is a little like doing a handstand: it takes balance, focus, and a willingness to look ridiculous.
There are 4 lies that stop people from being serious.
Here’s the deal, seriousness is not some prize you get at the end of the game for playing nice. It's the thing that keeps your life from turning into a hot mess. It's like taking a shower or eating your veggies - you gotta do it regularly, till you die.
I used to think, like everyone and their mom, that if I just played the game long enough, I'd eventually get to call it quits and do whatever I pleased. But guess what? The game's rigged. You just keep leveling up, over and over, until you're six feet under. And the levels don't even get more exciting - it's the same old grind, different backdrop.
You don’t get out by winning; you get out by stopping.
So, seriousness isn't some shiny reward for putting up with the daily BS. It's the thing that keeps you from getting trapped in the first place.
Without it, your priorities start looking like a toddler's finger painting - all over the place. And before you know it, you're wasting your days at some mind-numbing job or scrolling through social media like a zombie till you’re 65.
That's why you gotta be serious about something, anything. People who aren't serious might seem like they've got it together and don’t care, but they are in fact hackable and distractible, susceptible to whatever game can trap them in a behavior loop.
But when you're serious, it's like having a superpower. It’s like Captain America’s shield, that keeps you away from Goodharting yourself.
You know how parents have this superpower to pick out their kid's voice in a playground full of shouting rugrats. Being serious is like that, you can hear the one thing that matters, even when the whole universe is screaming at you. Your signal-to-noise ratio is fine tuned.
Act I: All or nothing
Now, here's the thing people often misinterpret and it’s the first lie: Seriousness is all or nothing.
Whatever you choose to do, you don't have to dive in headfirst. People think seriousness is like cannonballing yourself into the swimming pool. Sure, that’s one way to do it, but you’re also allowed to slide in, inch by inch, going “ooh!” and “oh f*ck that’s cold!” the whole time. You end up in the same place eventually. You don’t flip your Serious Switch one time and now you’re serious forever.
Actually, taking it slow might be the best way forward. Jumping in takes guts, but easing in takes guts repeatedly. Fortunately, the deeper you get into the pool, the more comfortable it gets, and the less comfortable it is to get out.
Seriousness is the great orderer of priorities, and the priorities must be ordered.
Back in 2020, I was struggling; mostly physically, but it had ripple effects on my mental health too. I had an epiphany that I hadn’t been nourishing myself well on both physical and mental fronts. That was the time when I consistently had a lot of these epiphanies. And you know when do we have lots of these musings? When we know we deserve better and still deny ourselves of all the good things in life because our self sabotaging side wants to eat their feelings, drown their sorrows, blurring our life’s grand visions, doing mindless things till the wee hours to have no bandwidth to plan about the next day and the next day and the next…and so our weekends, months, years come and go by, and we get back on the hamster wheel of life and never fully get serious about anything that drives us forward in life. That’s the classic malady of our modern lives.
So, pick your battles wisely and be deliberate to conquer it each day. No need to cannonball!
Act II: Everything at once
The second lie is really just the first lie wearing a wig: you have to be serious about everything at once. And that’s impossible, of course, which means you can’t actually be serious about anything.
So, pick a side. Do more of what you think moves you.
Life hack: I view seriousness as being foundational. It's like the compass that tells you which way to go, what to hold onto, and what to let go of. This is rather intuitive. You’ve got to break the barrier with one thing - only once! Be sure of just one thing at a time, give it your all, be honest and do the damn work. Once you see some results, there’s no going back! And then the next thing you pick becomes easier to be serious about, while the previous thing goes on auto mode. Once you know you can crack a personal project, you’re on! Because you will know now in practice that consistency is key and that showing up everyday is what will move the needle.
Act III: Golden Handcuffs
The third lie is that you’re only serious about something if you’re getting paid to do it. Like this newsletter. I am taking this seriously and landing in your inbox every Sunday. I am not getting paid to write it, how I wish... And hey, truthfully, this is not easy, doing deep dives with my critical self, writing 1000 words and then scratching everything because I want to be mindful of my readers’ time. Self doubting, riffing on ideas alone into the abyss knowing that I might have very low (email) open rates, people might drop off even before they finish reading this piece or you know, that it will be years before any of this makes me any penny, that the only readers to my writing are my parents and some of my supportive friends.
But that’s not the point. I am serious about this newsletter because I feel if this discourse can resonate with even one person, if my reflections can make you feel & think & move, my job is done.
Some of the most serious folks out there do it for the love, for the sheer joy of it, paycheck be damned. And sure, you can say, but who has the time, Ishita? But you gotta understand that you have to make tradeoffs in life. And the whole point of tradeoffs is to trade something you value less for something you value more. The thing you care about the most—that’s the thing you don’t compromise on.
Act IV: Mental Masturbation
The ultimate kicker and biggest lie about seriousness: mental masturbation.
The ultimate form of self-deception. You think you're being all serious and profound, but really, you're just stroking your own ego, getting off on your own cleverness. It's being trapped in your own head, going round and round in circles, but never actually getting anywhere.
The problem is, the more you indulge in this intellectual self-gratification, the harder it becomes to break free. You start to believe your own bullshit, convinced that you're some kind of deep thinker, when in reality, you're just procrastinating on actually doing something meaningful. This goes deep. Procrastination is an emotional problem. Not a time problem.
So, if you catch yourself getting lost in the maze of your own mind, take a step back. Ask yourself if you’ve seen some results & made some measurable progress out of those self help podcasts & books, consuming quick snacks on social media that satiate your ego but never nourish your mind. Like cream cheese slapped on a delicious bagel: thick and with no regard for the health of the recipient. The answer might sting, but it's the first step towards getting out of your own head and back into the real world.
Act V: Forget what I said
We are all the centers of our own universe. I don't know what being serious looks like for you, and honestly, I'm still trying to figure it out myself for so many projects. But one thing I do know is that no matter who you are, being serious means holding something sacred. It means caring about something so much that you're willing to put in the work, day in and day out, even when it's hard.
And if you're not doing that right now? Well, tough shit. It's time to take a step in the right direction. It doesn't have to be a giant leap, just a small, barely noticeable shuffle towards giving a hoot about something that matters. And then, you keep shuffling.
Now, I'm not saying you have to be serious about everything, all at once, remember lie number 2? That's just a faster way to burnout. But pick one thing, just one thing, and be all in. Whether it's your coin collection or your quest to make the perfect grilled cheese sandwich, give it your all.
For me it was fitness for the last couple of years. I am happy having achieved some goals I set for myself. I am satisfied where I am and this journey was equal parts fulfilling and challenging and it has changed me forever.
If you need a little nudge, find a good friend who's not afraid to give you some tough love.
Remember, no one is ever going to give you permission to start. You don’t have to be 100% serious right now, nor do you have to be 100% serious about everything—these are just excuses not to be serious about anything.
But the goal is to be 100% serious about at least one thing, and soon.
See you next Sunday!
Serious love,
Ishita
xx
Thanks ☺️