You’ve probably landed here because of 2 reasons:
To know what happened to me
To find answers for yourself because you think you self-sabotaged too
I’ll start with the good news first. Every human has self-sabotaged at least once in life.
But what does this insidious phenomenon look like? How to know if you’re self sabotaging?
Welcome to this bingo I designed. A game of recognition where the stakes are your own potential. As we go through these points, mentally mark each one that hits home:
You've got a graveyard of brilliant ideas for your future. Wake up call: they don't need to be earth-shattering to change your life. They just need to make sense to you. And hey, you can always pivot later. But you gotta start somewhere
Toxic relationships are still riding shotgun in your life. Worse, you've probably surrounded yourself with negative influences without even noticing.
You’ve lost count of "I'll do it when the time is right" or "Give me 3-6 months". Let me guess - that perfect moment never arrived.
Your very achievable dreams are gathering dust because "work is more important." Newsflash: work will always create the illusion it's top priority. It's a never-ending hamster wheel of deadlines, bosses, and targets. The chase never stops.
You’re feeling stuck. Like you're watching your life on repeat. Change feels like skydiving without a parachute, so you stay put, even when opportunity's banging on your door.
You know you're capable of so much more. But your brain's hit the brakes while your heart's screaming "go!" Sound familiar? That's imposter syndrome saying hello.
You've convinced yourself that pursuing your ideas is a waste of time. Or maybe you're setting goals so vague or unrealistic, you're practically sabotaging yourself before you start.
You’ve let others choose your path and defined your calling (Like when I did engineering instead of Literature Hons. Ring any bells?)
You’ve let bad habits take the wheel, and your life's been on autopilot for so long, you've forgotten how to steer. Maybe you're even using some unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal.
"I'm not good enough" - that old chestnut. It's seeped into your bones. And its evil twin, fear of failure, is keeping you from even trying.
"I was never taught this" or "it's my parents' fault" are your go-to explanations. Meanwhile, you're replaying past mistakes like a broken record instead of learning and moving on.
You've people-pleased your way through life, muting your true self-expression for fear of rejection & not being loved. The ripple effects? Missed opportunities, regrets, the works.
Procrastination is your middle name. You've put off important stuff so many times, you've lost count.
Self-care? What's that? You've neglected your own wellbeing for so long, you've forgotten what it feels like to put yourself first.
I can keep going..
So, how'd you do? Did you score a full house? If you've ticked off more than a few, congratulations (or should we say, condolences?). You might be playing a losing game against yourself. :(
But here's the twist: in this game, winning means it's time to change the rules & you’re ready to level up!
I invite you to flip the board (flip the narrative) and start a new game called ‘Self 2.0’ or how I like to call it “Masters of Fate”. The jackpot's waiting, and it looks a lot like the life you've always wanted. <3
Recognising these patterns is the first step. Now that you have a mental image of where you stand when it comes to self-sabotaging, I want you to start taking action in each of the areas.
Here’s an experiment: Maybe you’d like to add some more of your points to the self-sabotage bingo & divide it into 4 quadrants of:
Cool (Rarely an issue)
Warm (Occasional problem)
Hot (Frequent challenge)
Critical (Constant struggle)
Now that you've got it mapped, what does your personal landscape look like? Are there any critical zones that demand immediate attention? Perhaps you've discovered some unexpected hot spots you hadn't noticed before.
Remember, this Heatmap isn't about judgment – it's about awareness. Each 'hot zone' you've identified is an opportunity for cooling down, for introducing new, more beneficial habits.
Your next step is to focus on your most critical areas. What strategies can you implement to lower the temperature in these zones? Maybe it's time to call in some support to help you navigate these challenging territories.
I like to think of these Heatmaps as a living document. As you work on cooling down your hot zones, keep revisiting this map. Over time, you should see your behavior shift, with fewer red-hot areas and more cool, calm spaces where your true self and well-being can flourish.
Personally, how I stopped my saboteur from taking over was indeed a tumultuous journey, I won’t lie. It definitely didn’t happen in a short span and was most definitely not as straightforward as playing a bingo. Life rarely is.
I had to consciously work towards demolishing a lot of my limiting beliefs, weeding out negative patterns that were holding me back & even had to shift cities to find a slower life that suited me more & let me bloom into my present self (which I absolutely adore now).
I did not know what self love & self care looks like, and discovered slowly that it means honouring your body, your mind, your dreams & your heart to flow freely. I wanted a life of time freedom, money freedom, location freedom and today, I think I am closer to achieving it than I ever was. But I couldn’t have said that if I never took action. If I never started on finding & designing self 2.0 consciously.
So here’s my request, fellow dreamer, START.
Take action. Be afraid & still start.
It’s okay to fail. Failure isn't a stop sign – it's your personal GPS recalculating a better route.
My biggest fear in life is not that I won’t succeed. But that I won’t fail faster.
My biggest fear is: not being able to achieve my true potential & give back to my community (OR hug more trees in this lifetime).
My biggest fear is that I will never find what truly moves me. What a real pity that would be.
Let me be real with you for a second there. I still self-sabotage quite a bit. I don’t have it all figured out. But I love trying & failing & experimenting. And the more you try, the quicker you find answers.
As Chris Martin sang, if you never try, you never know, just what you’re worth. I love me a good old Coldplay plugin.
For me, this piece represents the internal conflict and duality present in self-sabotage. I feed it & it feeds me.
Years of self-sabotaging/inaction/conditioning has led to a dangerous phenomenon that I catch myself in quite often - catastrophising.
The intensity varies.
Sometimes dying while skydiving comes to mind or losing a loved one. Other times it’s the fear that I won’t be able to fully realise my dreams.
But the most haunting part of it all - is the current reality - of operating from a fear mindset, which I will absolutely neither tolerate nor allow.
Sometimes self-sabotaging thoughts aren't the problem; it's how we respond to them that matters.
So, as I navigate these fears, I tell myself that we’ve come quite far.
→ From being jobless in covid to now leading a marketing vertical remotely
→ From being stuck in a mindless city rat race to now living a slow life in a tropical paradise
→ From not knowing how to swim to learning to dive (& finally learning to swim too. It's bloody difficult as an adult)
→ From not listening to my body to honouring it, taking care of it everyday & slowing down when it asks
→ From running around like a headless chicken to learning the art of restraint & being present
→ From people pleasing to genuine self-expression
→ From thinking I would die alone to finding the love of my life (it was only when I found myself that I found him)
The list is ever expanding.
Here’s the thing, I have learned to be shit scared and still go ahead and do the deed.
I promised myself to not lead an average life but also not let my definition of success be contorted to make myself miserable chasing it.
I will catch myself catastrophising and self-sabotaging and I will come out of it.
After all, the only real catastrophe would be letting fear write the story of my life.
So, all the best with your new experiments in building self 2.0! Write to me about it. And if you need help designing some of it, reach out to me. <3
Until next Sunday,
Big love,
Ishita
P.S. If you enjoyed this dispatch, please click on the heart at the bottom or the top of this email. It helps others discover Masters Of Fate. And makes me super happy! :)