Look Ma, I Am A Tree!
Decapitalizing My Narratives
In my postgraduate studies, we were taught about media agenda setting. From there, I picked up the term narrative, which intrigued me greatly. Marry it with context, and you've got the perfect recipe for turning truth into lies and massive lies into great truths. It's like a magician's sleight of hand, but for your brain.
So, what is ‘narrative’ you ask?
It’s the stories we spin around our facades. It's the bedtime lullaby we tell our egos. Some narratives comfort us, others (rarely) spur us to action. We use some to catastrophise and some to further hidden agendas.
I am extremely wary of narratives around my own life. Because not everything is:
true
set by me
Most of these narratives are set by society’s tired fashionistas and are like hand-me-downs: ill-fitting, outdated, and hanging awkwardly on your psyche. These muffle your true personality, hiding your flair under layers of societal expectations. Your true self struggles to shine through these hand-me-down narratives, not because you lack style, but because you're wearing your mom’s or cousin’s story.
To truly express yourself, you need to curate your own narratives, your own wardrobe - handpicked, timeless, true to your choices, that fit well, are comfortable and give a lift to your personality.
Breaking free
If someone asks ‘what do you do?’, we often open with our job titles, as if our worth were etched on a business card. Why? Because our identity, our self-esteem is so closely tied to occupation. But is that all there is to us? Certainly not.
We are much more than our day jobs. We are not mere cogs in the machinery of commerce. We are poets and dreamers, secret artists and midnight philosophers. We are the sum of our passions, fears, and quiet revolutions. Our souls overflow with untold stories, and unimagined possibilities. We are not what we do for a living, but how we live - we have multitudes within our own, we are a whole new universe.
When someone asks you to introduce yourself, I urge you to start with “I believe in”. Open with an idea, a philosophy, a principle you live by. When someone does that, I am already interested in them before it begins.
Shedding old narratives
I spoke to some fellow writers on what narratives they’d set that no longer served them. And any mindset shifts that arose from recognising that.
→
, an original thinker and an absurdist in his own accord said “…chase quality not opportunity…hone existence not potential…more patience and allowance of goalessness…”→
, a creative business mentor, a podcaster & a writer said, “Love this idea. What a beautiful thing to contemplate. Sounds odd but the narrative I’ve been shedding as of late has been that I’m well liked. A few months ago I really started paying attention to the way people interact with me. It was sobering and felt very unsettling to actually hear the words and energy behind how we interact with each other. An interesting experiment that I’m coming through the other side of. Turns out it’s an okay thing to not be well liked 😜”I wholeheartedly agree with Lisa, it’s absolutely okay to not be well liked.
The People-Pleasing Trap
The narrative I’ve grown up in, especially growing up as a South Asian, has been to please my way all along. I became a social chameleon - please parents by getting good grades, please teachers & friends by being a do-gooder. Please a prospective date by showing up as my most interesting, curated self. I have zero shame in admitting that I grew up as a people pleaser, up until I turned 30, after which it felt like I had 0 fucks left to give, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still looking for external validation when I did something I found to be cool. I still do. It became a part of my identity. And then, the worst thing, it shaped my actions. Performative at times.
I am being brutally honest with you here, because I know the way to overcome these narratives that are so hard wired in our brains as we have grown up with them is to speak your truth. Break down these narratives by having acceptance first, by being honest with yourself.
I invite you to ask yourself:
Who are you when you stop performing and start being?
Shifting narratives
My partner, a product leader, is transitioning from his full-time job to a full-time sabbatical in an effort to reinvent himself. Curious about his thought process, I asked him, "What narratives were you grappling with when you decided to quit your job?"
He responded softly, "For more than a year, I had been treating my job as a means to an end. I thought, 'Do this for four years, achieve financial independence, and then enjoy life after that.' However, my narrative shifted when I started reflecting on how I’m living my day to day.”
He continued, "The big shift came when I observed my foundational markers, such as my health and the quality of my relationships with you and my parents. I realized that these aspects need to be better, and they can't simply be put on hold for the sake of financial gain."
You have to observe, introspect, detach and listen to your own self to understand what narratives you have been believing in that no longer serve you.
You have to be conscious.
Narrative and Context
Twin architects of reality, masters of illusion. One weaves the tale, the other paints the backdrop. Together, they can transmute lead into gold, or poison the sweetest truth. So, beware the storyteller who knows your fears and fear the sage who controls the stage. But most of all, dread the puppet master who wields both strings. And that’s.. narrative. It's like a game of Two Truths and a Lie, but you're not sure which is which.
In this dance of perception, narrative often leads. It's the siren song our story hungry minds can't resist.
Context follows, silent and insidious, cementing the tale in place.
To navigate this maze one has to:
Sharpen their skepticism.
Question the story.
Interrogate its setting.
Don’t make a Truman Show out of your life.
The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widely spread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible.
― Bertrand Russell
Decapitalizing my narratives
On point, sir Russell! Societal narratives & conditioning ARE likely to be foolish than sensible because it serves in the interest of capitalism (take this with a pinch of salt).
A famous performance coach recently posted:
“Most people are deeply afraid of who they really are.
The things they really want,
The level of ambition they truly have.
But if you can tap into that - you are a freight train that is very, very hard to stop.”
This note where she had compared performance with a freight train - fast, noisy, (inevitably & almost) too masculine an image of a freight train didn’t sit well with my visual learner self.
Why do we have to be a “freight train” when we think of being successful?
I asked her if there’s another word I can use instead of this and someone responded saying “a rocket ship”! I admire their help but I don’t think I want to be a rocket ship either.
Yes symbolically it means that I am progressing at an abnormally faster rate than any object on earth, but in truth, is that how real life is?
I went down a rabbit hole of questioning myself on what narrative I want to weave in the realm of being successful, or peak performance. For the longest time I was trying to understand if I could find parallels in peak performance & nature and I have been careful in choosing words & narratives I want to associate with, as I bloom & step into my power.
‘Can we have narratives layered with nature?’ I asked myself gently.
The moment I read the above freight train note, it felt so…repulsive; I don’t want to be a train or a rocket, but I do want to perform at the highest level of my potential and show up in all areas of my life, with love, care, honesty & gratitude.
In that rigmarole, a voice from the inside said - ‘I want to be a tree’.
Not a job title, not a freight train, not a rocket ship, but a living, breathing entity in its own essence. I want to grow at my own pace, I want to be rooted in purpose, I want to nurture myself & all that grows with me.
Imagine defining yourself not by what you do, but by how you exist in the world.
Like a tree, you provide shelter to those seeking refuge, nourishment to those who hunger, and a foundation for others to flourish. Your very being lifts the air around you, enriches the soil, and creates an ecosystem for life to thrive in.
I want to grow with other trees. As a permaculturist, this felt so right, so…evocative.
Trees simply are, growing at their own pace, nurturing themselves and all that surrounds them - a vital part of the jungle - growing, giving, and persevering through all seasons.
Defy the norm
Prompts for identifying narratives that don’t serve you anymore:
If your best friend described you, how might their description differ from your story?
List three personal beliefs that you’re willing to reconsider.
Are there any family or cultural narratives you've adopted that don't resonate with your true self?
What would you attempt if you knew you couldn't fail?
If you were to completely reinvent yourself tomorrow, discarding your current identity completely, who would you choose to be? Think of a different gender, race, culture.
Here’s how I am decapitalizing my language, changing my narratives and trying to defy the norm:
Only the strongest survive| Together we thriveChase success| Cultivate contentmentConstant growth| Mindful presenceMaximize efficiency| Make time for serendipityConcentrate on ROI| Invest in personal growthDominate the market| Serve the communityCrush goals| Nurture progressTime is money| Time is a gift, use wiselyStrive for the extraordinary| Find joy in the ordinarySink or swim| Ride the waves
There are a lot of other worlds, they are all in this one.
Find yours.
What are some narratives you have identified that no longer serve you? What are some identities you want to shed?
Let me know, I’d love to listen to your story. :)
Until next time,
Sprout into your power. 🌱
Love, Ishita
xx
If you enjoyed this post, you may enjoy this one on Finding Your Purpose:
“Can you find your purpose? Can you define your purpose? Is there only one ultimate purpose? What if you never find your purpose? Is purpose overrated anyway?
Are some questions that keep me up at night.”
Or this one on How I Was Busy Self Sabotaging:
”Years of self-sabotaging/inaction/conditioning has led to a dangerous phenomenon that I catch myself in quite often - catastrophising.
The intensity varies.
Sometimes dying while skydiving comes to mind or losing a loved one. Other times it’s the fear that I won’t be able to fully realise my dreams.
But the most haunting part of it all - is the current reality - of operating from a fear mindset, which I will absolutely neither tolerate nor allow.”
P.S. If you enjoyed this dispatch, please click on the heart at the bottom or the top of this email. It helps others discover Masters Of Fate. And makes me super happy!
Wonderful essay, Ishita. I have always held that trees and the plant kingdom are the superior life forms. I absolutely loved your 10 Commandments; good thing that unlike in Moses' case, the originals were not written in stone - you could strike them out and rewrite! 😁
You write beautifully well
Love how you shared your story on narratives. It's really deep